Maybe too Much Empathy Isn't a Good Thing

Google "empathy" and "leadership" and here are just some of the first page links you will find.

"Why The Empathic Leader is the Best Leader"  Success
http://www.success.com/article/why-the-empathetic-leader-is-the-best-leader

"Empathy: A Critical Skills for Effective Leadership" Bounce Back Higher
http://bouncebackhigher.com/articles/empathy-a-critical-skill-for-effective-leadership/

"Why We Need More Compassionate and Empathetic Leaders" Psychology Today
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wired-success/201608/why-we-need-more-empathetic-and-compassionate-leaders

"Why the Empathetic Leader is the Best Leader"  Lolly Daskal, Lead from Within
http://www.lollydaskal.com/leadership/whats-empathy-got-leadership/

"Empathy in Leadership: 10 Reasons Why it Matters" Tanveer Naseer

http://www.tanveernaseer.com/why-empathy-matters-in-leadership/

"Empathy is the Hottest Trend in Leadership" Time-Money

http://time.com/money/4376423/empathy-leadership-trend/

 The concept of empathy had been put forth as the answer to crime, violence of all sorts, political conflicts and all manner of ill.  Obama perhaps started the trend with his 2007 presidential campaign where he highlighted the "empathy deficit" as the most pressing problem facing America.  Some even attributed his re-election in 2012 to empathy, stating that  he one specifically because he and the Democratic Party were more successful at expressing empathy than Mitt Romney and the Republicans. (Barack Obama quotes about empathy - http://www.azquotes.com/author/11023-Barack_Obama/tag/empathy).

Whenever a concept or idea reaches such levels of hyperbole in the popular media - just look at the language in those titles to see it - Hottest trend, Best, Critical - I generally begin to ask "what if the opposite is true."  In our culture, it is usually just a moment in time until such powerful "no brainer" trends are met with opposing arguments and forceful backlash.  And so it was with the empathy movement.  One of the first salvos I read "Against Empathy, The Argument for Rationale Compassion" by Paul Bloom.  (https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CY2LCZI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1) is a witty "plane ride" read and is provocative with some powerful ideas sparking contemplation.

Bloom's thesis is that empathy is biased, innumerate, parochial and irrational. It leads us astray and foils our efforts to make rational moral decisions.  In fact he makes the case that some of the most important decisions made by individuals and nations—who to give money to, when to go to war, how to respond to climate change, and who to imprison—are too often motivated by honest, yet misplaced, emotions. With precision and wit, he demonstrates how empathy can distort our judgment in every aspect of our lives, from philanthropy and charity to the justice system; from medical care and education to parenting and marriage.  

Bloom argues that compassion instead of empathy (turns out there is a difference) leads to a much better decision making process.  Bloom defines emotional empathy—feeling another’s pain. vs. non-empathetic compassion which is a more distanced love and kindness and concern for others. Bloom is a big fan of compassion if not so much empathy. He makes the point that kindness and altruism are proven to be associated with all sorts of positive physical and psychological outcomes, including a boost in both short-term mood and long-term happiness. If you want to get happy, Bloom argues that helping others is an excellent way to do so.  Empathy, on the other hand, can be draining and lead to burn out and exhaustion.

But larger than the impact on the individual, Bloom argues that it makes the world overall a worse place.  Empathy in the moment blinds us the long-term consequences of our actions.  So where empathy is an emotional and knee-jerk response to a situation close at hand, compassion can be logically reasoned - taking into account future generations, cold calculation and cost:benefit analyses.

In his book, Bloom looks at this empathy vs. compassion comparison from the perspective of public policy, charitable giving and personal relationships.  He did not apply his logic to the professional environment or to leadership situations.  I would argue that it is just as applicable to think about the difference between "rationale compassion" vs. "empathy" as we lead our teams at work.  Bloom claims that "empathy distorts our moral judgments in much the same way the prejudice does," both are emotional reactions and both lead to sub-optimal decisions.  It is easy to see how leaders passionate about their teams, their companies and their colleagues could get caught up in an emotional response to a peer's failures or personal struggles or a customer's frustration.  Bloom argues that it would be better to apply the cool logic of reason in the service of dispassionate but real compassion - weighing the odds, running the numbers, assessing the ramifications, aiming for a greater good - rather than the heat of an emotional empathy seeking to provide relief in the near-term to ourselves and our colleagues with short-term solutions.

Against Empathy: The Case for Rational Compassion. Paul Bloom, 
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01CY2LCZI/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1
Harper Collins